Resolving Conflict in Relationships:
When two people are in the middle of a conflict, the limbic system of the brain becomes activated - which escalates irritability, anger, sadness, hurt and other emotions. For this reason, it is best to wait until both people have had some time to breathe, cool off and then come back to the "table" ready to resolve the conflict. It could take the brain anywhere from 3 hours to 24 hours to release the reactivity from the hurt feelings.
The goal must be to really listen to each other, understand what is needed or wanted as an outcome, and to be able to empathize (but not necessarily agree). Start with an “I feel____________,” statement. For example, "I feel overwhelmed when you don't take time to help with the household chores." Then pause and let the other person repeat your words back to you to make sure they have heard you correctly. This is called “active listening” and will help both people communicate without assuming or reading into things.
Active listening is saying back what you have heard someone say. In this case, the listener would say, "I'm hearing you say you feel overwhelmed when I don't help out with the chores." Once both parties are on the same page, they may proceed to the next phase: making a statement of empathy. The listener takes a moment to see it from the sender’s point of view. In this example the listener would say, "I can understand how you might feel overwhelmed when I don't help with the chores." The simple act of empathizing (without necessarily agreeing) will help the speaker to feel heard and emotionally validated, which will continue to promote conflict resolution.
If asking for forgiveness is applicable to the current issue, humble yourself and ask for forgiveness for overlooking the other person’s needs (or whatever hurt, sadness, frustration, or disappointment has occurred).
Once both parties are clear about what the issue is and empathy has been expressed, both parties are ready to move on to the negotiation stage and discuss possible changes (in behavior, approaches, attitudes, etc.). In this case the speaker could ask the listener to take over two chores per week, as a way to start helping ease the workload around the house.
It is very important to remember that resolving conflict means taking on the attitude of "how can I help" and not "how can I prove that I'm right".
Before you even get into a conflict, take a moment to pray about any important conversations you will need to initiate. Ask God to prepare your heart to steer clear of an accusatory tone, and unloving tone, or character-assassination. Ask God to prepare the other person’s heart for the conversation and ask God to help you both maintain self-control.
Here is a verse to reflect on: “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” – 2 Peter 1:5-7
Asking God to help you resolve conflict with another person is exactly the kind of prayer God loves to answer.