I am so grateful that God continues to teach me truths that help me overcome disappointment, depression, hopeless feelings, and frustration. Every time I open His Word, read, study, and digest it, I learn something “new” (or should I say, I learn the same truth but in a deeper way). The other piece of my growth has come from suffering. God has not let anything go to waste in my life. If I look over the past 50 plus years, I can see and understand how God has worked in and through all my circumstances to bring about growth in my relationship with Him.
My most recent ah-ha moment has to do with seeing the destructive nature of perfectionism. Wanting and striving for things in my life to be perfect has kept me from doing certain things that I thought I would not be able to do with excellence.
In addition, God showed me that having a deep, driving desire for perfection causes me to perform works in my own strength. It becomes all about my working harder, what I can do, what I should do, etc. When it becomes all about me and what I can do, it diminishes my ability to allow God to transform me and my circumstances. All this striving and trying and sweating and crying causes disappointment, hopelessness, and depression. This is NOT what God has wanted for me.
Just in case you struggle with disappointment, hopelessness, depression, or frustration on a fairly regular basis, keep reading to see if perfectionism might be one of the core roots of all these negative feelings.
Here is a quick dictionary definition of perfectionism: a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.
Right off the bat, I can recognize the all or nothing thinking going on in this definition of perfectionism. Perfectionism rejects anything less than perfect. It’s either perfect or it’s worthless. There is no in-between, the grey zone (versus the black or white/the all or nothing zones) is not acceptable. That is the underlying attitude of perfectionism.
Most of us don’t spend much time examining some of the core beliefs that lie just beneath our consciousness. While our logical brain knows we cannot achieve perfection, our more automatic brain might still be operating on a false belief that we can attain perfection in a circumstance or in ourselves or with others. Over time, allowing perfectionistic beliefs to run our life will cause us to feel lacking or worthless. Even worse, it causes us to start to doubt God’s goodness in our life.
Perfectionism creates a mindset that is always looking for a problem to fix. If we are always looking for a problem to fix, then we are looking at problems the majority of our life. Focusing mostly on the problems, causes us to sink into despair.
The Bible teaches us that the whole reason Jesus Christ came down to live and die for us as fully human and fully God was because God knew we could not be perfect. Our fallen state (sinful condition) prevents us from being perfect on this side of Heaven. Because we know that we are saved by faith in Jesus, we know that God will begin to work His transforming ways in our hearts and minds.
Very simply put, I would say, “don’t strive for perfection, instead, allow God’s excellence to do it’s perfect work in you.” Don’t fool yourself that if you just work a little harder, pray in a better way, and strive for more perfection, that God will finally be happy with you. That is a lie. We will only make ourselves and everyone around us miserable if we operate out of this belief system.
Philippians 1:6 says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Notice that it does NOT say, “You have to work super hard to be perfect.”
Let the prayer of your heart be, “Lord, I want You to work in me and through me to accomplish the things You have prepared for me to do. Help me to cease from focusing on myself and what I can and cannot do. Help me to stop holding myself and others to impossible standards of perfection and let me learn to accept myself, to accept others, and to accept less-than-perfect circumstances just as they are. I want to stay open to Your love, commands, promptings, guidance and Your Truths. In Jesus’ Name, amen.”
The people that are close to us will be so relieved when we are able to let go of perfection. They have often felt the brunt of our perfectionism through our pushing, our striving, and our high expectations of them. Our loved ones, and we, ourselves, will breathe a sigh of relief when we learn to be content in all circumstances knowing by faith that God uses every less-than-perfect circumstance to accomplish something amazing in us.
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
The anti-dote to perfectionistic thinking is to purposefully turn your attention to all the good things God has already done for you and through you. Focus on all the things that are going right and let the things that are going wrong be carried by Your Heavenly Father.
Some secular person once said, “where your attention goes, there your energy flows.” When we focus on what is good, our mind will be primed to move toward the positive more often. This will thwart depression and hopelessness.
The Apostle Paul said it this way, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” – Philippians 4:4